#ComicsCorner - The Lihle Lindzy Msimang Take-over!

7th July, 2015

So here I am, sitting at a table with my laptop open in front of me, sucking on a lollipop.

I keep thinking of the perfect topic to write for this blog. After having read the Comics’ Corner blogs of the other comedians, I thought to myself “mine needs to be cooler”, but somehow I couldn’t get to the right topic.

All I kept doing was, typing words and erasing everything. I felt like I was online mistyping my password, and clearing everything, because I didn’t know which letter I had mistyped.

So I sat back, pulled out my lollipop and my slightly ADD mind started going off on a weird tangent… I started thinking about the lollipop and how it has such a hard knock life. As I was sucking on it, I thought about how many times the term “lollipop” has been misused over and over again by rappers like Lil’ Wayne, 50 Cent and many other rappers… I thought of how the lollipop is not appreciated and my brain spiralled into the following concerns about the lollipop…

1) The Lollipop is not Romantic

Chocolates get all the glory in the world. Considered the most romantic piece of candy to ever exist! When a guy gave a girl some chocolate it meant he was serious about her (well at least when you grew up in the 90s, like me, and things like WhatsApp didn’t exist, and you couldn’t get pictures on MXit).

The chocolate was a sure relationship starter! Chocolate is so romantic it even has a brand where people can send messages to each other, such as “I Heart You” and “I’m Sorry”. 

What about the lollipop? You give a girl a lollipop she will think you’re stupid and break up with you right there and then! 

There is nothing more embarrassing than a grown person sucking on a lollipop. The stick starts getting soggy, making the thing fall all over the place and like an idiot you have to follow it with your mouth.

Then the stick breaks and all you have is a sweet with a “tissue stick” in your mouth. Now you have to use your thumb and index finger to take this thing out of your mouth, because lollipops are generally too big to keep in your mouth, and have a normal conversation at the same time. Basically it’s a mess.

2) Kasi Kids Made The Sucker Retarded

I grew up in Meadowlands, Soweto and one of the things we loved doing as kids, was to buy a bunch of pin pops and fizz pops and eat them after a hectic game of “mgusha or chigago”. This was the treat of all treats! Topped with a cola flavoured “ice” (dear white people this was juice poured into a clear sandwich plastic bag and frozen, so it’s not just “ice” there’s more to this thing – we were just lazy in the naming department). 

We would sit in the middle of the street sucking on the lollipop and the ice. 

Now picture this, the lollipop stick gets soggy and bendy, take that sogginess and add a kid’s filthy, ice-filled hands and what do you get? Retardation.

Kids from the hood have made a lot of people think lowly of the lollipop. To think of it as something unworthy, something soggy and dirty, and strictly a “mgusha” refreshment.

3) Hip Hop killed the Lollipop

Hip Hop is a genre of music best known for making stupid phrases popular and invented words like “bling” and killing good grammar everywhere. With the likes of Lil’ Wayne, Birdman and Rich Gang, certain things are taken out of context and made into something completely different, by mostly giving it a sexual connotation. The lollipop has suffered such torture! 50 Cent asking girls to come to his candy shop, and lick his “lollipop”. Why was the chocolate not mentioned? Jelly bean-nyana? Lil’ Wayne has a whole song titled “Lollipop” and just when you think the song is about Pin Pops, Fizz Pops and other pops, he’s referring to a penis!

Now the lollipop is no longer seen as a “fun treat” but is seen as a "Fun treat" (see what I did there? I made it bold italics, what were you thinking? Hayi!). Hip Hop has managed to take the lollipop and flip it around, so whenever you say “lollipop” people immediately think “the D”! But if you think about it, who would want to have a lollipop penis? It’s not even the size of my pinkie! Now because of hip hop the poor little lollipop has lost its self-image, just when it thinks it’s something that people suck on and taste sweetness, it has been reduced to something that people suck on, becoming soft, soggy, and flops around and… okay wait… I guess I can see where hip hop was coming from…

The lollipop has been through a lot more than any other candy. There are no romantic things that can be done with a lollipop yet the chocolate gets all the glory. Even a jelly baby can make a girl fall in love, more than a lollipop ever could. 

It’s a hard knock life for a lollipop.

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